Everyone knows about the intangible, or (sometimes,) not so intangible science of body language. We look for it in others, we think we know how to interpret the gestures correctly and think that we know all about the person from spending a few moments minutes with them. In situations where body language can be a compounding factor - such as at job interviews, or going on that first date; some people attempt to control their body language in a way that would be beneficial to their desired outcome.
However, true body language can't be faked. If it was possible to redefine the term, I'd say:
"Body language is the way your mind and body reacts together, before you have any idea that it is indeed, reacting."
Anyone who's prepared to put in the time, can learn how to read body language, but it takes more than just recognizing the more obvious signs identified by 'experts.' If you're really serious about wanting to harness this very useful skill, you're going to have to put some work in beforehand.
Learning Body Language:
Pick three or four people that you can use as case studies. Allocate no less than thirty minutes per day, per person, (without their knowledge,) and concentrate on surreptitiously studying their behavior in a conversation each day.
Your thirty minutes, could involve having lunch with a friend at work or family member - you could also watch a discussion between two other people; or you could study people talking to each other while you're at an airport. There are plenty of places where you can train yourself to read the body language in other people.
Children are easy to read, since they haven't had a lifetime in which to even subconsciously refine their body language. A common gesture for children who utter a lie, is the sudden, rapid movement of both hands slapped across their mouth.
If this gesture was something an adult often did as a child, throughout his life he will probably have subconsciously refined that sudden movement, to instead touch somewhere around his mouth or nose as he's speaking the lie. More often than not, someone who exhibits these actions, is being less than truthful.
It also happens to be one of the most common gestures you'll see between people when they're interacting. They may not even be telling an outright lie, it could be an exaggeration that they've spoken, in order to support (win,) a point they're trying to make. These actions, are all indicative of a person who doesn't believe what they're saying 100%.
The science of body language today, is being taken very seriously in some arenas, especially by large Asian corporations. Even in the US., many people responsible for hiring and firing in very large companies, are trained in the art of body language during the interview process.
In fact, let's make an interview appointment, a scenario for us to use now. Let's say that the interviewee's name is John and the interviewer is Mr. Marsden. Part of the conversation might go like this:
Towards the end of the interview:
Mr. Marsden: Well, you certainly do look qualified for the job John.
John: (feeling like he's home free,) Yes Mr. Marsden, I have all the skills you need and I'm ready to start tomorrow.
Mr. Marsden: Oh, one more thing - you look like a pretty straight guy John, you don't use any drugs do you? No problems with a drug test?
What Mr. Marsden doesn't know, is that John lost his last job because of a failed drug test. He should be able to see the change in John's facial expression and body language instantly - as long as he's prepared and knowledgeable enough in the subject to read what he's being shown.
Faking Body Language:
People who think they know a lot about body language, believe that they're skilled enough to manipulate their own when needed. However, that's untrue. If you've ever watched a Miss Universe contest, or the Miss World Pageant, you'll see that they're all trying to convey warmth and sincerity to the audience, while looking naturally serene.
Do they succeed? Of course not. They're all scared to death that they're going to lose in the next round! Every single one of the girls, look stilted, and yes trained. They're taught to be constantly aware of their body language at all times (fidgeting is a problem,) yet hard as they try, they cannot convey a naturally happy look.
A genuine reaction, is one where the facial muscles and mood of the eyes - matches the movements of the body. You can even spot a dissonance in a photograph if you examine it closely.
Then again ...
You can manipulate your gestures, in order to make others more comfortable with your presence and therefore more easily enjoy your company.
* Don't lean forward into them when you, or they speak;
* Don't cross your arms;
* Don't cross your ankles, feet or legs;
* Don't link the fingers of one hand with the other;
* Don't invade someone else's space.
If you do plan to fake your own body language for whatever reason, you might want to commit the next few things (that will immediately give you away,) to memory:
* Your own habits will give you away;
* You can't control the onset of a blush;
* Touching your face around the mouth and nose as you speak, often indicates dishonesty;
* A stutter that has just surfaced, will flag you as a red light (unless you do happen to be afflicted with stuttering;)
* Clearing your throat at odd times, will also give you away.
I would never have the time to go into all aspects of body language - there is so much to learn, from so many aspects. Body language is a vast sea of information that one needs to learn and take into account, in order to communicate effectively.
Remember one thing:
To be able to communicate effectively with others, one must listen well; look into the other persons' eyes and peripherally read their body language. No message is fully received by a person, unless they can decode the other person's gestures and movements.
Till next time,
~ Swan
